Day 23: That Guy

The Grind-ies are the gravelly, down and dirty, mentally painful, zero-to-something thinking, learning, and producing that it takes to create something of your own. The Grind-ies Challenge is a 30 day pursuit to enter the Grind-ies mindset on a regular basis and document the experience.

I was the guy in high school who’d get drunk, roll on the ground, jump on people, throw the keg, and break stuff over my head. Now I’m the guy jogging on the Scottsdale streets, looking like he’s living the life he’s supposed to live.

I mean, yeah, it’s true.

I guess I’m trying to see if there’s a point-of-view I haven’t already expressed about this topic.

There is.

Did I know when I was rolling around in dirt, mooning my peers in 1999 that I’d become this person?

I actually did.

For real.

That’s partly why I acted like that.

I didn’t need school and what people thought didn’t really matter.

I’d already decided to go the path my inner voice was daring me to go.

I knew it was going to be hard, lonely, and painful.

All the more reason to throw kegs, I guess.

I sensed it was going to be a gross, down and dirty process.

All the more reason to roll on the ground.

I predicted people would talk shit and turn on me as I kept going, especially after they quit.

All the more reason to moon others.

Financial risk in my 20s? Ha! I bet my psychological survival on it at 17.

I know my actions were wrong. I’m completely ashamed, embarrassed, and regretful of the person I was, and I’m beyond sorry to the people I hurt.

But after living a life where I was once one of the shittiest humans on the planet and now being this introspective and intrapersonal dude, I can impart that everything in life is about the relationship we have with ourselves.

Even through idiotic actions as a teen, I understood who I was, where I was from, and what I was supposed to do. (I seriously don't remember any of my peers being that impacted by Wrestlemania 7 or The Marshall Mathers LP.) I knew I could recover and go my own direction after misbehaving and being disrespectful. I knew I was working through something that would make sense later.

I wish every day that I would have carried out the connection I had with myself in another way, but I didn’t. And that’s life.

The bond I had with myself bolstered the more I followed it, especially as my outside life became difficult.

As I hung in there, my stupidity became memories of a few screwed-up years, my growth became a decade of painful but adventurous remodeling, and hopefully my results will be 50 years of who I really am.

I was born with the ability to write, I discovered my intrapersonal skills after I took risks, I acted like a dumbass, and I became this person.

Everyone can use their inborn skill, uncover their gifts through taking chances, grow out of who they were, and become who they truly are.

Day 23 Time in the Grind-ies: 3 hours, 16 minutes Projects: freelance gig, pro bono freelance gig

How I felt afterward: Like a hard day's work was put in.

Day 24

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