A therapist once told me that people from abusive backgrounds struggle with self-regulation.
But what is self-regulation and why’s it so hard?
I need something deeper than "the ability to regulate myself.”
I recently lost 44 pounds.
Good for me, right?
I did it by jogging and counting calories. The right motivation, jogging partner, and environment suddenly came into my life.
Well…I don’t know if I buy that they "suddenly came into my life."
I healed and my brain changed. Something in my subconscious said, “This body type isn’t you. Change it."
But how do we jump start this brain change?
Everything revolves around the health of our psychology. Our external worlds are mirrors of our inner worlds.
Becoming wealthy begins with our self-worth. Getting in great physical health begins with a sharp mental state. A balanced relationship begins with a balanced emotional range.
Let's use self-talk to push our psychology to the healthy side of life by starting with some day-to-day cravings.
How self-talk can help regulate our habits with food:
Whose body and brain doesn't desire food all the time? Then when we diet and exercise? Yeah, food can become an obsession. Not to mention, the horrible habit of compulsive eating. And does anyone else eat to shift their emotional state? Yeah, I do.
A self-talk remedy: “Okay, I know this pizza looks ammaaazing, but eating healthy makes me energized. What will I feel like after I scarf this dough, tomato sauce, and cheese? Probably a little sick and definitely mad at myself. I know I'll want something else after I eat it, too. Eating this won't solve this emotional teeter totter. Ugh. I'll do the work of being a human being, and just be and the craving will pass."
Unnecessary eating can be replaced with something less calorie-intensive such as coffee.
How self-talk can help regulate our desire to be physically intimate with just anyone:
As a male human, female humans may be the most attractive things on the planet, even when my brain isn’t in trauma-recovery mode.
Thank goodness for my natural shyness.
A self-talk remedy: "Do I even know that person? Sure, I’m attracted to them, but what do we have in common? How awkward would it be after I made an attempt? They’re a person with a life, a history, and goals—should I really only want to do that with them? If I cross paths with them, I’ll just get to know them."
An unregulated libido can be replaced with talking.
How self-talk can help regulate our sleep:
I think understanding why you're erratic with your sleeping is key here.
Do you need sleep because you're experiencing heavy growth? Are you a night person with a day schedule? Are you resisting something?
How self-talk can help: “I know I'll feel refreshed when I wake up if I go to bed when I know I should. I deserve a fair amount of rest. I’m not missing out on anything by sleeping. I got a lot done today and things will be there tomorrow."
I replay the day's events in my head to remind myself that I deserve the natural reward of sleep.
I also use ASMR videos to wind down. Mmmm…ASMR…
Self-regulation can improve over time. It takes a little planning and consideration of the future, but it's a life-changing quality for adulthood. Maybe struggling with it can force us into the tools that will make us stronger.
That’s all I have for you. I hope it helps you.
On to the next one.
Get at me.