Core Self vs. A Tinder Date
I think identifying your core self and taking action that's in line with your core self is a recipe for deep, sincere happiness, and a genuine personality in general.
If we look at Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, self-actualization is at the top. The people who go farthest in our society are doing things they're very passionate about—there's no doubt that that passion comes from the core self.
It's common to make decisions to satisfy lower levels of Maslow's pyramid. Let me rephrase that. It's easy to spend majority of time ALWAYS satisfying the lower three pyramid levels with LITTLE time allotted for the long-term development of self-actualization. If you make a lot of decisions from a place of who you really are (the top), sure, it'll be scary (for a bit) and you'll get made fun of, but it'll net some serious long-term happiness.
One time, like last year, I was out with a Tinder date. Her family owns a local business and they run ads on the local channels, some of which she was in/still is.
It was an odd outing. She was...erratic. Shots on shots on shots. She interrupted frequently. Lots of projecting. Lots.
She invited me back to her place with the caveat, "We're not gonna hook up." I wanna keep this blog PG-rated, but my male mind said, "Lay out challenges much?"
We went back to her place. It was weird. She continued to get intoxicated beyond the socially acceptable level. My mind said, "Oh, this is happening."
We got to talking. I mentioned I was into psychology. She was interested, but in a "I'm gonna challenge you" type-of-way. "What do you mean?" she quizzed slyly. "You know, identifying your core self and living in accordance with it. Breaking through the conditioning and being who you really are," I responded. Although the gravity of those sentences may have not matched the context of the conversation, I had no intent of being patronizing.
She freaked. "Oh my god," she yelled. "You drank the kool-aid. That stuff is gonna make you hate your family!"
"You drank the kool-aid!" she roared. This behavior went on for several minutes.
She asked me to leave. So I did.
Car-less into the ill-lit Tempe night I trudged. Core self completely intact; thumbs wrestling with the Uber log-in.
I didn't give a shit about the date. I was glad I made a choice from my core values.
Core values are gonna piss people off. Human beings who aren't making choices from a place of who they sincerely are, COULD use you as a projection bullseye. "Oh, they're doing that because of this or that reason. I would do it but I have...things to take care of...blah...blah...blah."
It can get nasty, but who gives a shit? I mean, seriously. Who cares?
That Uber eventually comes and the ugliness is over, but your long-term decision remains.