I am this...I mean, I deserve this

June 22, 2016

I went to four Boys and Girls Clubs and introduced myself as a local fiction author today. I offered to do a free presentation on finding your passion and booked one gig (woo!!). 

 

Walking into a building where no one knows you and saying, "Hi, I am THIS!" is where the value is. It takes courage. I once heard someone say, "we don't get in life what we do, we get in life what we subconsciously believe we deserve" and it's so true. 

 

I grew up having emotional problems. My psychology was damaged from having a confusing life. My passion to use my imagination is what drove me to become a healthy person. I don't think I ever learned how to love myself...until last night. 

 

Last night, I was taking a break and thinking about what I had to do next when I started to feel emotionally sick, like an emotional tornado was stirring in me—a familiar feeling. It took its course and when it was over, I felt this warm, beautiful, pleasant feeling emerge. I never felt it before and I went with it. The feeling was so good and pure. 

 

I went to the gym a little bit later and the feeling started to fill me up until it made my brain feel worthy...and deserving. I said to myself, "Oh, this is self-love. This is what self-love feels like." I'd never felt that before. 

 

This feeling replaced any worry and doubt about...the future, my past, everything. It made me want to take care of myself, sleep, eat well, have healthy relationships, and be a professional fiction author. 

 

This morning I had an intense urge to go to the Boys and Girls Clubs  and say, "Hi, I'm Brandon, a local fiction author." So I did, and I believed it. 

 

We get in life what we feel we deserve on a deep level. How do we feel we deserve more? Action. Hanging in there. Continuing despite the constant failing. Until our inside life finally says, "THIS IS WHO I AM!"

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